Monday, August 8, 2011

Mixed Emotions

I remember it like it was yesterday. The hospital, the staff, the delivery. It all went by so fast. Three days later, they discharged us, and we took this little tiny baby home. We walked in the house, and she was asleep in her car seat. We unloaded our belongings, sat down, looked at each other and we both said, "Now what?" We joked that the hospital must have made some colossal mistake, because there was no way we were fit to be responsible for this tiny human life.

6 years ago tomorrow marks one of the brightest spots in my life. Along with it comes an immense feeling of pride and happiness, but also sadness and disappointment.

My daughter is one of the sweetest, funniest, happiest kids I know, and I can't wait to see her and say Happy Birthday. I know she'll be thrilled. But in the back of my mind, actually no, it's in the front of my mind, I'll always feel sad, and in particular on special occasions, because I couldn't give her one very important thing - a complete family. I don't know that I'll ever get over this feeling of failure and sadness, that her mom and I couldn't stay together, and be a whole family.

Despite that, we're doing the best that we can. Her mother is a great mother, caring and nurturing. And I don't think I'm a half bad dad. Here's how we've done so far:

Happy Birthday, Sissy.


  1. You are still a complete family, Cam. Your family just looks a little different now.

    The most important thing is that she feel loved and that she sees her parents happy. That is what she will remember. Happy birthday to your little girl.